I have spoken to many people on the topic of self-care, particularly self-care in relation to those they are in relationship to. What I have noticed is that many feel bringing a focus to self, as in self-care, is largely a selfish thing to do. From my personal experience, I found that self-care is vital to the health and well-being of our relationships.


When we self-care, we listen to and become more fine-tuned to what our bodies truly need. We become aware of many things, like the fact that sugar or caffeine causes our nervous system to elevate leaving us feeling racy, or that heavy foods and over eating can have a dulling effect. We get to feel that eating more lightly, that is, fresh foods that truly support our body, leaves us feeling energised and vital. And this is really just the tip of the iceberg…



Self-care is an ever evolving practice that can become infinitely more refined in its detail, for example, noticing how, if items in a room are rearranged or placed in even a slightly different way the whole area feels clearer. Or that how we move and hold our body in a particular way we feel more expansive and light.


By understanding self-care as described above we can begin to see there is a direct correlation with how we are with ourselves and how we are with others. By deeply caring for ourselves this love and care will naturally extend to those around us, in fact it has the potential to transform our relationships.


When you enter the home of someone who has a deep love and respect for themselves you can feel you are being held in that same love as you walk into that space, it is palpable. The love that this person lives is not just for themselves, it is for everyone. The flip side of being around someone living in this way is that it can highlight the ways we are living that do not belong to love. In the short term this can be uncomfortable, but if you so choose, this reflection of love will lift you up and inspire you to do the same.


When we live this way we can share a relationship with another that is healing, offering them the choice to live more of who they truly are.  


Kate Chorley is a psychotherapist & couples therapist practicing in the Parramatta & Blacktown areas of Western Sydney. She supports her clients in raising their self-awareness to lead more productive and fulfilling lives. Contact here or phone 0402 134 097 to make an appointment. 

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