Jealousy is an emotion that we all experience from time to time. But for some of us it can be crippling, effecting every area of our lives.


Jealousy is one of the most powerful and painful of all human emotions, in fact it can be deadly: Statistical data shows that jealousy ranks as the third most common motive for murder. And lets face it, being on the receiving end of jealousy is downright awful.



I can’t stop feeling Jealous, help! 


Have you struggled with repetitive and consuming thoughts over your new partners ex for example? Do you constantly put yourself into comparison with others leaving you feeling depressed, and that you are not good enough? Or do you begin to feel enraged when you see that friend or family member who is super confident and successful or who just seems to have life all worked out?


Feeling this way can begin to effect all your relationships, you are likely to become withdrawn, resentful and bitter. You want revenge, you decide that if you can get this person out of your sight you can start to feel better, so you begin to plot as to how to make this happen by having thoughts of how you can attack them and bring them down and to even get pleasure out of watching them suffer somehow, even for a moment. All this sounds pretty evil hey? Probably because that’s exactly what jealousy is – evil. 


So What is Jealousy? 


By understanding what jealousy actually is and how it works you can start to address it.

When you see and feel that someone has made different choices to you that has got them where they are today, choices that you could have made for yourself, this can enrage you and fill you with jealousy, why? Because deep down you know that you could have made those same choices yourself but didn’t, everyone has the freedom of choice.

We always have the choice of how we see ourselves, our attitude to life, of how we are in relation to another, the way we care for ourselves and others, the way we use our time and the list goes on… The truth is, regardless of our childhood or past experiences we can always choose differently today.

So how do I stop feeling this way?

  • First it’s important to nominate that the fact you are feeling jealous. By getting honest with yourself you can start to make true inroads to change.

  • Next, take the time to self-reflect, as jealousy is never about the other person, it is about you. Look at what it is you are jealous of, it may be that they are confident and joyful in their lives. If this is something you want, the fact is you can have this too, you just have to make certain choices to get you there. Look at where you may have made not so supportive choices and simply start to make changes in your own life, in other words – take responsibility for yourself and how you feel. 

  • Develop a healthy relationship with you. Let’s face it, no one is perfect and this is not something to aspire to, let it go. Start loving you for exactly who you are today, do not look back and beat yourself up for past choices, learn from them, and then simply start to choose what is true for you and what you want out of life. For example, if you want love, you need to be love! 

  • Be Inspired. If success and fulfilment is what you want, look to others who have this in their lives and let what they do and who they are inspire you to do the same, let their reflection confirm to you what is possible for you too when true choices are made. 












Kate Chorley is an experienced psychotherapist and couples counsellor. To find out more call 0402134097 or contact here

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