If you struggle with feeling relaxed and at ease when your intimate with your partner you are not alone.


Many women more often than not silently battle with these feelings regularly. They feel confused, they know they love their partner and want to be with him, love spending time together, and just feel very comfortable in his company, naturally. But when it comes time to get amorous things begin to get a little frosty. He wants to connect with the woman he loves but he begins to feel the metaphoric door begin to close.


She starts to make excuses; I have a headache, its too hot, it’s too cold, the children may come in etc. he gets the drift, she simply doesn’t want to make love. For him, this is straight out rejection something that cuts deep, he may start thinking “if she really loved me it wouldn’t be this way….” So what is really going on for her?





Most commonly women suffer from lack of self worth and even self loathing issues that plague them.

From not being met for the amazing beings they are as little girls to being bombarded constantly by images and ideals in the media, which are impossible to live up to. Women learn from a very young age they will be loved and adored for what they do as opposed to who they are. Very quickly they begin to lose themselves to a world of unrealistic ideals and beliefs they struggle to live up to or rebelliously oppose.


We as women, begin to disregard our true knowingness deep within in favour of what we believe the world wants us to be, its in this state of disregard we begin to lose touch with our essence, our worthiness, our preciousness.


We become hardened and disempowered, slowly building resentment against what we think we have to do to be loved and accepted.


To manage these unpleasant feelings we find activities and behaviours to numb and bury what we do not want to feel, such as smoking, drinking alcohol, chocolate, online shopping, or addictions of any kind. These activities will contribute to self esteem issues and feelings of not being good enough and even self loathing.


We simply do not feel good in our bodies anymore.


Along comes Prince Charming wanting to sweep us off our feet and the last thing we want to have happen is to take our clothes off especially with the lights on! So how do we overcome this. We know we want to want to make love and connect but there is something stopping us, just frustrating for everyone involved.


What is needed is for the woman to come back to herself. Within every woman is an inner essence of great beauty and wisdom.


Its about taking time to listen to our hearts which will always tell us what is true for us and what is not. Our minds have a great ability to lead us off track particularly if we are sold out to ideals and ways of being that are found outside ourselves. Its about being present with our bodies, with our thinking in alignment with what we are doing which is simply a state of mindful presence.


Take time out for you, lovingly prepare nourishing food that will support your body, go to bed early, exercise and most of all rest if you need to.

By treating yourself in a loving and nurturing way, your feelings of worth will begin to heal.



You are gorgeous and amazing deep down. You are not your past experiences or your past choices, the essence of you will never change, it is divine and eternal. So take time to be gentle and kind to you and build a foundation of love that will support you.


Opening up to your man and making love will be something you will look forward to as it becomes a celebration of you, of him and the love that you share.


Kate Chorley is an experienced psychotherapist and couples counsellor. To find out more, contact here or call 0402134097

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